Mr. Reliable. He's helped you move so many times, he could qualify for a union pension. Only now, he's married. With twins. So while he'd love to help, Mrs. Reliable might not be so agreeable. If he does help you this time, it may well be the last you see of Mr. Reliable for a while.

The Supervisor. This guy's always got an excuse not to do heavy lifting. He'll show up on moving day and eat your pizza, drink your soda, and tell everyone else to "lift with your legs." He may be a good friend, but he's useless when it comes to moving. But if you need someone to run out for bubble wrap, he's your guy.

One-Leg Sally. This girl's the one friend you've always been able to count on. She's helped you move twice already, and she'd gladly help you again. Only she broke her leg a month ago, and now she's in a cast up to her hip. She says she'll still help, "if you can't find anyone else." Translation: "Find someone else."

The Klutz. This girl's the perfect move helper—almost. She never wants to take breaks. Her mantra is "Let's just get this done." Except, she has an uncanny lack of awareness of stairwell walls. She put your coffee table through a plate-glass door. She's got "sweaty hands." She may work for free, but in the end, her help will cost you.

Trucker Joe. The brakes squeal. The air conditioning doesn't work. And it sucks gas like the Space Shuttle. But Joe's got a truck you can borrow. Sure, it stalls now and then, but who cares—it's free, right? Well, sort of. Because when Joe's truck dies on the side of the Interstate in a rain storm, you'll truly understand the meaning of the saying, "You get what you pay for."